Outside reading blog #5

In Rena's house, Yvonne, her roommate becomes Astrid's closeest companion. They share secrets and stories late into the night and becomes friends. Astrid takes care of Yvonne in times of need such as when she is in labor and when she has bad dreams. The biggest transformation for Astrid is when she decides to find her mother's letters, reads them, and realizes that her mother had deceptively been molding Astrid to become exactly like her. But Astrid refuses to conform to what her mother wants her to become and decides to rebel against her control. She writes a poem to her mother expressing that now, Astrid Magnussen was finally alone. Astrid happily thinks, "How clear it was without my mother behind my eyes. I was reborn, a Siamese twin who had finally been separated from its hated, cumbersome double." She was finally able to separate from her mother and think for herself without the oppressive influence of her mother.

Astrid not only experiments with her self-identity but also with more hazardous substances like acid, beer and other illegal matters. The main reason for this is to escape her depression. Just like she used to take overdoses on Percodan to make herself feel numb against any major emotions, she is drinking alcohol and doing drugs now for the same reasons. When she is doing acid, she thinks to herself, "If I was going to do it, I wanted to make sure I'd get off" (373). However, by this time, it is so close to graduation and finally turning 18 that Astrid limits herself in no way. Now, a memory with Claire is not unbearably painful but instead, is now a reminescence of the old glorious days. Just another memory. Now, there is truely no particular person in her life that she considers a reason to live for. The only thing that propels her forward is the hope that soon, she will be in control of her own life without the bother of being kicked around from one foster home to another. Finally, Astrid will be her own master. In total, Astrid has been through six foster family homes, each one a bittersweet experience as well as a short stay at MacLaren Children's Hall. Indeed each of these homes had negative impacts on Astrid such as getting shot, being treated as a servant, or losing someone very close to you, but all of these expreiences, both good and bad was what formed Astrid as an individual and was inspiration for her art pieces.